Old hat or cold feet?

I somehow thought that by the time I got to the third round of rabies shots it would have sunk in that I’m going to be in Rwanda in less than a week. (Now I almost want to get bitten by an emu, or some equally exotic, crazed animal, only to justify the $513 beating my credit card took for this vaccine.)

But no. I’m actually still feeling strangely ambivalent about this trip. It almost feels like I’m not really going, like I’m just going to be spending the summer in Boston, bumming around and buying furniture and dish towels. (We won’t get into my slightly pathological love for home goods & hardware stores.) Maybe I'm just too calm. I kind of miss the nervous energy I used to get before traveling - it's a little unnerving. (Can you be unnerved by a lack of nervousness? Hm.) I don’t know if this is the way I felt before I left for Peru. I’m pretty sure I didn’t feel like this before Bangladesh, but it’s so hard to remember. Maybe it’s because I have so much stuff to do before I go, or because I’ve been lucky enough to have a lot of other exciting and happy things to concentrate on lately, or because I’ll be leaving before I’ve really settled into my new apartment. (Side note: moving into this studio has so far turned out to be a completely brilliant decision. Despite the odd, somewhat dorm-like feel of apartment-building living – someone is playing acoustic guitar nearby, and it’s possible my upstairs neighbors are having loud sex, though they could also just be playing an early-morning game of badminton – I wouldn’t go back to sharing my space for anything in the world.) Anyway, that aside, I think a large part of my ambivalence has to do with how unplanned the next two months feel. I'm actually a little envious of Melinda’s more defined and practical water technology project (though not her carry-on luggage). Damn engineers.
I’m sure things will fall into place once I get there. They always do, eventually.

So pretty much the idea is to not stress out about getting everything done (it always does get done, though this surprises me every time) and seeing everyone I want to see (note to self here: not going off to war, can see people in August!) – why does it seem so important to finally write to Nieves, my Peruvian mom, right now? Even I have no idea how I set my priorities sometimes. I am feeling better now that I’ve divided my to-do list up by day & time though. Being anal has its advantages sometimes :)